Should I just be a feeder blog for SRMM?

Seriously.  I love this woman.  Today's post really hit home because it's something I've been worried about for a long time with M.  Last year she was asked on a total of ZERO playdates.  It was so sad the first time she saw one of her classmates going home with another.  Being the rule-follower that she is, she was more upset by the fact that Susie was going home with Katie and her mommy and not her OWN mommy like she's supposed to than she was about being left out.  I don't think she even understood the concept of a playdate.  After explaining it, she said she wanted to have the twins in the class over for a playdate at our house and my anxiety set in.  What if she just stopped playing with them and shut herself in her room?  What if she had a meltdown?  Only the first of those two happened and it went fairly well.  Then we had H over to play and again M chose to do her own thing but H didn't seem too upset about it.  I keep telling myself that it's only because it was the end of the year that there was no reciprocity, but the lack of invites for the first 8 months of school still broke my heart.
I know we're only in our second full week of school, but I'm already aware that M is viewed differently by the other girls.  I can't blame them after the screaming and crying scene the first week at drop-off.  And I don't see any other 1st graders carrying their stuffed animals in a mini travel carrier every day.  (Today: Snowflake the cat. Yesterday: Sealy the seal.  At least she's not pushing them in the baby stroller this year.)  I know the looks will increase once the weather cools off and she's still refusing to wear tennis shoes - only flip flops.
I know she's capable of making friends - thank goodness for Summer Adventure where she met her best friend, L.  It was amazing how well they clicked.  And he is an exceptional kid.  His mom also ROCKS and has become a dear friend of mine too.  But L goes to a different school and he's a boy.  There's nothing wrong with having a best friend that's a boy, but a girl needs girlfriends.  Her primary activity at recess is being chased by the boys - and I've been informed by one of their moms that they can NEVER catch her (SO PROUD) - which doesn't bother me either because I did the same thing at recess when I was her age, but I was running with other girls.  Not by myself.  When you ask who her friends are she mentions girl names too, but I don't think the feelings are mutual.  If they were, they would have had a playdate together already since they were in the same kindergarten class last year. 
As I'm writing, I realize that all of these deficiencies are Asperger's related but that doesn't stop me from being sad.  If anything, it makes me grieve more the loss of her not experiencing the same kind of friendships that I had.  Granted, I have had my own issues with friendship and how to be a good friend/have a good friend.  I've actually thought about writing on that subject but first need to figure out some really creative alternate names for people I want to exploit discuss. 
That's not to say that I'm not at fault for most of my friendship fails.  Jeff & I both come from homes where our parents didn't really have anyone over.  Seeing my parents with friends now is weird to me - though I'm really thankful that they are socializing more because they need good friends.  We never learned how to be friends from our parents.  We're not even close with our siblings. There's a lot more reasons for that, but I really believe that parents need to foster that in their children.  We try SO hard to teach JJ & M to encourage each other, love each other, and rely on each other because they are the only the sibling that they will ever have thanks to a need-to-be-scheduled trip to the urologist  and they are going to be friends for life.  This is usually in the middle of a mini-war between them, so the response we usually get is eye-rolling or more screaming. 
I'm thinking about writing a letter to the moms of M's Girl Scout troop to help the other kids see that she's really awesome, just limited in her social abilities.  I got the idea, of course, from the comment section of the post referred to above.  I'll have to look at the video she mentions to see if it's something I should pass along.  And I would probably have to direct them to this post too.  I need all the help I can get. 

M & L this Summer

Who wouldn't want to be friends with this cutie?  :)


***I really wasn't fishing for playdates with this post, but I am thankful for my 3 sweet friends who offered.  I'll take all of you up on it!***

Thankful....

...that M's teachers love her and really get her. 
...that after a bad first day in music class (it was too loud), that they are excusing her from that and she'll go to art class instead.  And after Friday's screaming and trying to run out the door after me, that 1.There were teachers strong enough to hold her back and 2.That there is a new plan in place for drop-off and the last two days have been great.
...that so far they have let her wear flipflops to school every day.
...that she enjoys Adventure Club after school. 
...that JJ likes her new classroom at Pre-K and has friends.
...that I have friends who want to help (even if I don't know how to ask)
...that even though I feel lost and I don't know where I should be, that my husband loves me. 
..."                                                                                             " that my kids love me.
...that we have a home, even though it's a mess and it's not very big, but it's ours.
...that it's going to be Fall soon.
...that I'm running again without pain.
...that I know what I'm fixing for dinner tonight and it's only 2:30. 

Posts to Come

So yesterday's post was kind of surfacey, not very deep or what I have been thinking about writing lately.  I have several posts that I've written in my head, but then I self-edit and they never end up here.  There is a lot on my heart and in my head that are stirring my emotions, but I'm afraid of laying it all out there, perhaps making someone angry, possibly being rejected.  I've been self-editing my whole life.  Always worried of truly exposing myself, being the people-pleaser, facing the disapproval and thoughts of others.  But my thoughts are always filled with these things and isn't the point of blogging to get it out of your head?  So maybe I'll risk and write what I really want to write.

Jeff's out of town on a business trip to Chicago - I hate it when he goes on business trips.  This time he asked me to go with him, but we couldn't find a babysitter.  I was so excited about the possibility since it's been 3 years since we had an overnight without the kids.  And that was my 30th birthday in Chicago.  The first night away I'd had from the girls.  We fought a lot that weekend because there were things going on under the surface that we hadn't broken yet.  It was a couple of weeks later that we started our 3 years of marriage counseling.  So if you do the math, I've been away with my husband just once since having kids 6 years ago.  I think we're overdue.

3 great rugs I bought today on MAJOR clearance

An upholstery store nearby was having their floor sample sale so I went in just to see what they had.  Our couch is almost 10 years old and it looks 20 after having juice spilled on it, baby mishaps, muddy shoes from the kiddos, you name it.  We were told by a cleaning company that they didn't want to take our money because it might not look much different after they worked on it.  Of course, when I went in, everything I loved were the only couches NOT on sale.  But I did find 3 Dash & Albert gems - I LOVE this rug company.  I'm still kicking myself (seriously I might lose sleep over it), for not buying the runner that matched the slate blue moorish tile 2x3.  On sale for $15 - selling right now all over the interwebs for $190 and no less.  :(  Oh well, it's mate was $10 and it will serve a purpose until I find a more fitting rug for our kitchen.  I passed on it because we already have a rug for our entryway and it's not long enough for a runner.  But when I was working in the kitchen today I realized that I could have put the runner against the longer wall of cabinets and put the smaller one on the other side so my work spaces would be cushioned.  I had always envisioned a bigger rug for the middle of the floor but realize that the option I just described would be much better.  I called back and of course it had been sold.  The sale opened today and they had a line outside the door at 8:30.  We had breakfast at Bread Co. and then went to Target to buy school supplies.  Oh well.  Here are the beauties:

For the back door.

In front of the kitchen sink.

The landing upstairs.  (This one is beautiful and the picture doesn't do it justice.  Also the pink lego box and legos scattered everywhere kind of clash.  But the gold in the rug matches the wall color perfectly.) 

Price for all 3 rugs:  $55.  Retail value:  a whole lot more.

But I still can't get that rug runner out of my head.  :)

******************

This morning:

So I've gotten over the runner thing (almost), but this morning I'm regretting my purchase of the rug upstairs.  The gold is a perfect match, but the other colors just don't sing to me.  So it might be heading to Craigslist soon. :)