Sunday, April 17, 2011

Rough Day

I'm having a rough day today.  I should be enjoying a day with my girls while Jeff is fishing, but nothing has been going right.  I didn't get to go to church - which I desperately need because I've worked in the nursery two weeks straight and I need to be spiritually fed - because after I dropped off the girls in their classrooms, I heard screaming from the hallway outside the auditorium.  I had a feeling it was my kid.  And it was.  I attempted to get her back in her classroom and I was able to listen to the sermon for about 5 minutes before the teacher came and got me.  So we left.  And JJ wouldn't take a nap today no matter how hard I tried.  And she NEEDS it because she had her birthday party yesterday and she's coming off of a sugar high so she's really cranky.  I need to think of something for the next 8 hours until my wonderful husband returns home so I don't feel like I'm giving up on motherhood today and my girls feel loved.  It's HARD right now.  I wanted to cry in church because everyone was looking at me and none of them understand.  At least I didn't break down crying like I did last month at Party City when M pulled all of the balloons out of the bins and spread them all over the floor and the snotty moms gave me dirty looks and muttered to themselves that "she should really clean that up".  I love the people at my church so I didn't feel exactly the same as the Party City day when I wanted to shout: "JUST BUY YOUR CRAPPY JUSTIN BIEBER BALLOONS AND GO!  YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A KID WITH AUTISM!" 

8 comments:

Becca said...

I'm sorry. I'd give you a big hug if I were there.

*big hug*

Greta said...

Dear Amy,
Just so you know my sister and I both went to check if it was our kids because they both were having MAJOR issues today. It's the moon or something. Although I don't have a child with autism I have been moved to tears of frustration more times than I could ever count and I am right there with you. Keep on keepin on sweet mama, I'm right there with you. Next time will have the husbands fish together and we will put all the kids in a closed room and drink wine, lots of wine.

Katy said...

Oh, Amy! I'm tearing up just reading this. I don't know what it's like to have a kid with autism, and I don't know you well, but you're a great mom and you care for people well. And I think of you every time I watch Parenthood :) When Gretchen is back this summer, let's send her to your house and go get coffee!!

Phillips Phamily Mama said...

Amy-
I don't think I have the right words for you, but know that you are not alone. We may not know what it's like to have a child with autism, but you are our sister in Christ.

I remember how hard it was getting to church, let alone having the peace of mind to actually be able to get something out of the sermon! Be still and know that He is LORD.

Lynn said...

Yes, Party City is well known for their high-class clientele. Sheesh. It's not like it's Nieman Marcus. We've all had those days...if I had a nickel for every time I've sobbed in public...

Ben, Em, Ellie and Sophie said...

Amy-
So sorry that you're going through all of this...I can't even begin to fathom what it's like to be you. I'm sorry that people don't understand. Maybe you SHOULD yell that to them next time in the balloon aisle...maybe THEN they'd get it...or at least it may make you feel better?? Not really.
I will be praying for you guys. For patience, wisdom and good support. Please let me know what I can do. Really! Call if you wanna scream at someone. I'll listen.
Emily

Amy R said...

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. I know that you all have rough days too because being a mom to a neurotypical kid has plenty of challenges all on it's own. Jensen is here to *kindly* remind me of that. :) I think it's just hard because I worry too much about what people think. Because Morgan is high functioning (Asperger's), she "looks" normal and so when she has a meltdown, I feel like people are judging my parenting. I don't even know what to do most of the time anyway, so I am pretty good at jumping right in with them and judging myself just as harshly. Thanks for letting me vent. And for being such great friends (in blogworld and in my real life).

Sarah said...

Do I really have to point out the obvious here? That mother was buying her kid effing Justin Bieber balloons. So, even if Morgan had burned down the store? YOU WIN.