Posts to Come

So yesterday's post was kind of surfacey, not very deep or what I have been thinking about writing lately.  I have several posts that I've written in my head, but then I self-edit and they never end up here.  There is a lot on my heart and in my head that are stirring my emotions, but I'm afraid of laying it all out there, perhaps making someone angry, possibly being rejected.  I've been self-editing my whole life.  Always worried of truly exposing myself, being the people-pleaser, facing the disapproval and thoughts of others.  But my thoughts are always filled with these things and isn't the point of blogging to get it out of your head?  So maybe I'll risk and write what I really want to write.

Jeff's out of town on a business trip to Chicago - I hate it when he goes on business trips.  This time he asked me to go with him, but we couldn't find a babysitter.  I was so excited about the possibility since it's been 3 years since we had an overnight without the kids.  And that was my 30th birthday in Chicago.  The first night away I'd had from the girls.  We fought a lot that weekend because there were things going on under the surface that we hadn't broken yet.  It was a couple of weeks later that we started our 3 years of marriage counseling.  So if you do the math, I've been away with my husband just once since having kids 6 years ago.  I think we're overdue.

3 great rugs I bought today on MAJOR clearance

An upholstery store nearby was having their floor sample sale so I went in just to see what they had.  Our couch is almost 10 years old and it looks 20 after having juice spilled on it, baby mishaps, muddy shoes from the kiddos, you name it.  We were told by a cleaning company that they didn't want to take our money because it might not look much different after they worked on it.  Of course, when I went in, everything I loved were the only couches NOT on sale.  But I did find 3 Dash & Albert gems - I LOVE this rug company.  I'm still kicking myself (seriously I might lose sleep over it), for not buying the runner that matched the slate blue moorish tile 2x3.  On sale for $15 - selling right now all over the interwebs for $190 and no less.  :(  Oh well, it's mate was $10 and it will serve a purpose until I find a more fitting rug for our kitchen.  I passed on it because we already have a rug for our entryway and it's not long enough for a runner.  But when I was working in the kitchen today I realized that I could have put the runner against the longer wall of cabinets and put the smaller one on the other side so my work spaces would be cushioned.  I had always envisioned a bigger rug for the middle of the floor but realize that the option I just described would be much better.  I called back and of course it had been sold.  The sale opened today and they had a line outside the door at 8:30.  We had breakfast at Bread Co. and then went to Target to buy school supplies.  Oh well.  Here are the beauties:

For the back door.

In front of the kitchen sink.

The landing upstairs.  (This one is beautiful and the picture doesn't do it justice.  Also the pink lego box and legos scattered everywhere kind of clash.  But the gold in the rug matches the wall color perfectly.) 

Price for all 3 rugs:  $55.  Retail value:  a whole lot more.

But I still can't get that rug runner out of my head.  :)

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This morning:

So I've gotten over the runner thing (almost), but this morning I'm regretting my purchase of the rug upstairs.  The gold is a perfect match, but the other colors just don't sing to me.  So it might be heading to Craigslist soon. :)

Just got back from a quick run - my running partners knew what I didn't, a second huge storm is about to sweep through St. Louis.  No wonder they stayed at home.  Next time I'll check the weather. 

Quick update: 

The summer with the kiddos has been good so far, but not without it's bumps in the road.  M lasted only a couple of days at art camp before they told us that they couldn't accomodate her special needs.  Thankfully, I talked to the director at the summer program at her school and she can start there today.  I hope that the money is refunded to the Special Education Foundation and that they can transfer it over to the new camp because our funds are low.

Jeff just got out of the shower so I'm going to hurry and take one before the storm hits!

Can't Sleep

My mind is racing with lots of things and I can't seem to settle down.  If it wasn't crazy, I would go for a run outside right now.  I spent a majority of the night looking through baby pictures of the girls.  Happy and sad.  Things were so messy in my life when they were babies.  Not that they aren't now - just a better mess. 

Jeff let me take a nap today because I wasn't feeling good this morning, but maybe I slept a little too long.  I must have needed it though because even the loud banging noises from the bathroom being demo'd didn't bother me.  JJ did visit me a few times and woke me up with an accidental whack to the head.  :) 

There have been tons of things that I've wanted to blog about since my last post, but our Summer is off and running.  I'm working part-time, we're still renovating the house, and life in general is full-speed ahead.  Here are the things I WOULD HAVE blogged about if I'd found the time:

Our Awesome 10th Anniversary Dinner (made perfect by a surprise violin serenade from a 1st chair of the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra)
Mom-Guilt (what's new?)
Running (so thankful for my M.O.THE.R. running group!)
Our house projects
Summer weekend plans
Books I'm reading
My Facebook dilemma (Should I Stay or Should I Go?)

Well, 4 am is sneaking up on me and the girls will be awake in a coupe hours.  Maybe I should try again.

One Liners

I am exhausted from this morning's events and it's only 10:15.

Drop-off was pretty horrible for M this morning. 

Her routine had a glitch and it set her off.

I had to literally run away while a teacher held her and she screamed.

Then I ran into a friend while I walking home and the tears I had been holding in started to pour out.

I'm so thankful for that talk - I needed to cry because I don't do it enough.

I have a list of things to do and I don't know if I'll get them all done.

I feel like anyone else would have already completed at least 3 things, but I am a mess.

I am excited for the Women's Retreat with my church that starts today.

I still need to pack.

Looking back at JJ's baby pictures makes me sad because I wish I had done things differently.

I was so burnt out from giving 150% to M that I wasn't even giving 100% to JJ. 

The colic didn't help.

I'm picking JJ up early today so we can have some quality time together - I don't need more regrets.

On the agenda: donating toys to Shriner's hospital and painting nails.

I hope M isn't screaming at school anymore and that her day has turned around.

I wish I hadn't missed my run this morning because my cough/cold doesn't feel that bad right now.

I love my running group.

I'm listening to DMB "Grace is Gone" - one of the best songs to listen to when I'm sad.

Now I need to listen to Glee Cast's "Raise Your Glass" to cheer me up and get me going.

I need to get on to that list.

Braids make everything better

As it is the Murphy's Law of my life, I am extremely motivated today and don't even want to sit for a second - and I have to pick up M early to take her to the neurologist.  Don't get me wrong, this appointment is something that I want to do also, but I am really enjoying organizing and listening to Ben Harper and Big Head Todd & The Monsters (next to each other alphabetically in our iTunes), at a high volume in my house, all by myself.  I have nervous tummy today because of the appt. though.  I just wish I could hang out in his office for hours and ask the tons of questions that we have.  It just seems to go by so fast and then I leave wishing that I had asked more questions.  Jeff can't be there today because the important people that work for the company that he's been working on a project for for the past year & a half just happened to choose this week to come and visit.  And since their project is the sole reason that he was hired in the first place, he kind of has to stay at the office.  Bummer.  We've never been to the neuro doc without the other.  But, because he rocks, he wrote out two pages of notes/questions for me to take with me.

I hope the rest of the day is a good indication of how the afternoon will go.  M let me braid her hair this morning  - that almost never happens.  We were early getting ready so I took her to Bread Co. for a bagel - I really needed a vanilla latte so this was great too.  She was being so sweet.  She did hop around and pretend to be a leopard, but we got smiles instead of evil stares.  Probably because she had cute braids. 

Drop-off went well too, and I even stopped by for lunch and hung out on the playground for a while before heading back to home to continue my cleaning and jam session.  Why can't all days be this awesome?  *I might be jinxing myself by saying that....the day isn't over yet.

Momma said knock you out...

This morning started cheerfully as we had Muffins with Mom at JJ's school.  Miss M had to come along because Jeff had to be at work.  For an hour, all seemed right with the world as I sat with my two little ones and ate muffins, read them The Three Billy Goats Gruff and Rumplestilzkin, and looked at the green beans and peas that they are growing.  And then I took M to school and that picture of bliss was shattered. 

M still has severe separation anxiety, even though she is 6 and she has been going to kindergarten for 9 months now.  She kept attempting to follow me as I left, and her para wasn't at the classroom yet to help me restrain her.  In a change of events, instead of racing after me as I try to leave as she usually does, she made a run for the front door of the school.  She was halfway out when I wrapped my arms around her to prevent escape.  I felt something sharp on my hand and then I noticed the blood.  Yes, another proud moment as a mother - I knocked my little girl's front tooth out.  Yes, it was already loose for awhile but the skull-splitting screams and amount of blood, combined with people staring, made me feel like crap.  And I was looking forward to having lunch with her tomorrow, but that was a consequence that I said would be taken away if she didn't have a good drop-off.  That and no scooter today or tomorrow.  Which also sucks for me because that is the only way to get her to school on time.  If we walk, she stops at every blade of grass to see if there are signs of insect life.  Or jumps in every single puddle.  Or just stands there, looking at the sky. 

It's only 9:45 and I want to go back to bed and start over.